Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
