My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
