dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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