you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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