Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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