I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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