Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
