You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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