is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
