We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
