u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
