I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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