i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
