Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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