you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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