Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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