I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
