I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize