Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
