Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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