I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
