In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
