I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
