its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
