have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
