I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
