He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
