Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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