The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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