Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
