i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
