I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
