I'm gonna have a badass scar
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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