she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
