Bisexual people are plain selfish.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
50% drunk capacity currently
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
