Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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