My Higher Power is John Stamos
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
