she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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