Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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