I can tuck mytits in my pants
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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