In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
