I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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