I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
