You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
