Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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