he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
