Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
