Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
