I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
