Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
