I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
