so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
