I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My vagina is officially offended.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
