how can u be prego again
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
