Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
