everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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