it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i've created a new STD.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
