overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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