I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
