Slut skills are useful in every country.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
