He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
