If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
