Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
