So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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