Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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