That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
