we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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