you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
