It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
