haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
