i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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