Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
