Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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