Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
