And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
