now i know why i became what i already was.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dick very happy bro
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
