I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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