guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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