I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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