He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
