apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
