Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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