Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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